i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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