She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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