Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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