so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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