I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
