I hate all girls vehemently.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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