is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
