he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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