i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
