end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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