Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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