I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Duck Duck Cougar?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My ass is underappreciated
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
