MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
