I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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