just tell him i said nine months
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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