and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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