I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
