you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You may now shotgun with the bride
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
