he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
