i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
