i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
