Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
