Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
