It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
