Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize