I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
