one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
