Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
