Screwed.edu
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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