Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
