I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
