im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was born a porn star she said
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
