There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Four minutes until I can fart!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was confusing and full of hummus
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
