if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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