I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
