so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
