It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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