Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
