My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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