I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
