so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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