She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
