I could have mohawked her pubes.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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