Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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