so explain again why im purple
no
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
