i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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