you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.