They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.