mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?