dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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