Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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