Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
