Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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