in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
