i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
