Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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