i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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