It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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