You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
