Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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