It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
