i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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